none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
