some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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