I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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