So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
