Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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