I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
