YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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