He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
