lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
