You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
