I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize