I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The best revenge is premature balding
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
