how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize