Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
