She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
