I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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