I just made out with a guy for $7.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
