I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
