So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
