he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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