I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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