You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
