just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
