I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
