I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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