I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
