Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
