I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
