i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
