shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
