In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize