it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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