i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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