so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
