i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
