you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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