in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
