I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
