If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
