I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
