And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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