that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize