I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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