i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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