i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
