I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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