he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
