K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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