I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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