dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
