I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
