p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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