Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
