The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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