When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
