Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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