Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
