Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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