Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
