clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
