Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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