the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
