Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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