I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
