Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
