so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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