Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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