i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
