Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
