Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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