...so i touched it.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
