I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
