God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
