Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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