Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
