hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Actions speak louder than pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize