peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
