Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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