I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
