my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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