GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
