I got chris browned last night
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
