Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
