ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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