You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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