How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
