he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
