All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
