So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I love you. Go after that dick
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
