i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Randomize
