Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
