woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
