I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
