Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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