Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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