I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize