Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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