She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
